Thursday, December 24, 2009

Overcoming My Guilt

It seems that every Christmas, since leaving my job to become a full-time stay at home mom, I have been bombarded with feelings of guilt for not providing an additional income to give my kids a ton of gifts. I know in my heart that Christmas is not about getting every present we ask for, but I still feel like I am letting them down. This year, without  fail, those feelings crept up on me yet again. My fear was that my kids would not have good memories of their childhood Christmases and would feel resentment toward me when they grow older and have families of their own. I struggled with this for a few weeks and even considered looking for a job to help out. That would be quite a struggle for me because, at the time, I was in my first trimester and completely exhausted, but if that's what I needed to do, I would!

Then, my Grammy passed away. In the hours after her death, my family all converged on her house and began combing through thousands of photos. One of the photo albums we found was that of Christmas over the years. Our celebrations included delicious treats, tons of laughs, and most importantly, family. Sure, we had gifts, but looking back at those years, I can't remember what presents I received, I only remember the love that we all shared!That was what Christmas was all about to me! Hopefully, I have raised my kids to understand the value of family. I don't need things to make me happy. Just being together is all I need.

My Grammy's passing has been very difficult for me. I never considered the fact that she might not be here for Christmas. She was a fighter! I was so sure that she was going to win this fight as well. I do however, take comfort in the fact that her passing has made me stronger. Sharing those memories with my cousins was a great gift for me! We laughed and cried together, because we all knew that we had something very special, a loving family!  I will not feel guilty for giving my family what they truly deserve this Christmas....LOVE!


  1. oH GIRL... I sooo feel ya!!!
    I never asked people to come over and read my posts in comments... but I'm asking you this time...

    I think you'll read something that will strike a chord... I hope...

    You gave YOU as their gift... never forget that!!!

  2. Merry Christmas Sandy...I know it will be a difficult one for you....and the kids will remember the joy...not how many or how much they get!

  3. This is so true! When I look back, I remember family most, and the tradition about opening gifts, but not what was in them. Of course, now I feel bad that we moved away from family and my son is celebrating with just mom and dad, but we all do the best we can. :)

  4. I know!! This year we had to spend even less, but...they were still happy!!

    My kids are glad I stay home. This past summer really got them thinking how lucky they were. They saw the kids during the summer going to the summer school program because their parents work.

    I am lucky too, but I wince when Jason opens the bills:(

    But....this past week...Love did make me happy:)

    Love is the best gift!

  5. Condolences on the passing of such a special member of your family. It is wonderful that you were able to let go of your guilt, however, and fully embrace the true gifts of the season! Your children and family are very lucky to have you.

  6. In the presence of my mother, my little sister asked me about my favorite Christmas. I was befuddled. I couldn't remember one Christmas that sticks out. My mom was a little bit hurt and anxiously asked if I had a bad childhood.

    My sister and I agreed that what we remember about Christmas was the parties at my grandparents' house. Christmas Eve, singing around the piano, talent shows, my sisters and I sneaking out to see the Christmas tree before the appointed time, waiting for the appointed time with my sisters, bugging my parents until the appointed time...

    I can't remember a single present.

    But I remember the feelings of Christmas.


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