Have a Very Blessed Day!

Overcoming My Guilt

It seems that every Christmas, since leaving my job to become a full-time stay at home mom, I have been bombarded with feelings of guilt for not providing an additional income to give my kids a ton of gifts. I know in my heart that Christmas is not about getting every present we ask for, but I still feel like I am letting them down. This year, without  fail, those feelings crept up on me yet again. My fear was that my kids would not have good memories of their childhood Christmases and would feel resentment toward me when they grow older and have families of their own. I struggled with this for a few weeks and even considered looking for a job to help out. That would be quite a struggle for me because, at the time, I was in my first trimester and completely exhausted, but if that's what I needed to do, I would!

Then, my Grammy passed away. In the hours after her death, my family all converged on her house and began combing through thousands of photos. One of the photo albums we found was that of Christmas over the years. Our celebrations included delicious treats, tons of laughs, and most importantly, family. Sure, we had gifts, but looking back at those years, I can't remember what presents I received, I only remember the love that we all shared!That was what Christmas was all about to me! Hopefully, I have raised my kids to understand the value of family. I don't need things to make me happy. Just being together is all I need.

My Grammy's passing has been very difficult for me. I never considered the fact that she might not be here for Christmas. She was a fighter! I was so sure that she was going to win this fight as well. I do however, take comfort in the fact that her passing has made me stronger. Sharing those memories with my cousins was a great gift for me! We laughed and cried together, because we all knew that we had something very special, a loving family!  I will not feel guilty for giving my family what they truly deserve this Christmas....LOVE!

Saying Goodbye and Some Good News

Saturday was one of the most difficult days of my life. The church was filled with poinsettias, because my Gram had wanted a lot of them to fill her house this holiday season. My cousin Courtney sang a beautiful song for her and we shared a lot of hugs and tears. But far surpassing the tears were the many laughs we shared while reminiscing about times gone by. We really do have an amazing family and the memories that we share will never be forgotten. We sat for hours in the living room, the floor blanketed with photos from over the years. Many thoughts came to mind. We were very lucky to experience all of our holidays together. Easter egg hunts in the back yard with homemade candy for us all, made lovingly by Grammy. Our Christmas Eve was always spent together, with Grammy handing out gifts  from underneath the tree. And who could forget the mystery gift that we would all shake and squeeze until we came up with our perfect guess. Christmas day would bring Grammy and Pappy to each of our houses so that they could see all of our gifts. There is a picture for every single moment. These are just a few of the moments that I will cherish for the rest of my life. She will for surely be missed, but thankfully, she left us with so many wonderful memories to ease our pain.

After the service on Saturday, I shared with my family some news that I was planning on surprising them with on Christmas. Mike and I are expecting a new addition to our family in June. My only regret is not telling Grammy before she passed, I just never thought that she would not be here on Christmas. It never crossed my mind. But, I like to think that for a few days, before I told everyone, Grammy was in on my secret, and I am sure that she was grinning her sly little grin.

Thank you all for your prayers and cards. It really does mean so much to have so many wonderful friends who are there for me when I need them!